You've Got a Friend
by leibyisroel
Summary: Carter reflects on his relationship with Benton


Disclaimers: I do not own or have any relation with anyone from ER, nor do I own the rights to the song _You've Got a Friend_ by Carole King. 

Spoilers: Through Season 8 (including speculations).

Characters: JC/PB

Rating: G 

When you're down and troubled  
And you need some loving care  
And nothing, nothing is going right  
Close your eyes and think of me  
And soon I will be there  
To brighten up even your darkest night 

He sat on a bench in the park. It was the middle of winter, right around Christmas to be exact. It's really cold out here. Why do people do this to themselves? If it was nicer out maybe I could understand. Why am I doing this again? 

I had known him for so long, as a mentor. He was so gruff, such a hard shell. Then, when I thought things couldn't get any worse, he'd change his colours and do something totally out of character. My first solo patient committed suicide at the hospital, then he invited me home for dinner and didn't take no for an answer. Of course he blamed it on his mother, but I knew it was because he cared. 

You just call out my name  
And you know wherever I am  
I'll come running to see you again  
Winter, spring, summer or fall  
All you have to do is call  
And I'll be there  
You've got a friend 

People jog past. Kids run by with their parents close behind. Teenagers rollerblade past. These guys are all mad. How could such a sensible person participate in such a weird activity? Then again, why was I waiting here, turning into an icicle? She told me this was his route, but maybe he detoured?

When I graduated med school. He didn't say anything to me, he insisted we only had a professional relationship. But he gave me a gift that meant so much, he gave me my first doctor's coat, complete with my name on it. How did he know how much that would mean to me? 

If the sky above you  
Grows dark and full of clouds  
And that old north wind begins to blow  
Keep your head together  
And call my name out loud  
Soon you'll hear me knocking at your door 

Nah, he's too routine oriented. Even his dates always follow the same stages. Man is it cold out. I should have worn something warmer. I still remember teasing him about that. That was the first time he actually acted like a human and not like a frigid instructor in front of me. I saw he could actually be human to me, not just in secret or hiding behind something else.

Or when he sat with me after the stabbing when even my family didn't come. I was so alone, so scared, so mad at myself, and he was there to help me. Who would have expected it of him? When I closed my eyes, he was there doing the surgery. I felt so safe, knowing he was the surgeon assigned to me. When I opened my eyes again, he was there, telling me how it went. He was honest with me, and so caring, so out of character. 

You just call out my name  
And you know wherever I am  
I'll come running to see you again  
Winter, spring, summer or fall  
All you have to do is call  
And I'll be there 

When will he get here? It must be that health diet he's on that makes him do these crazy things. I don't see anyone else from the hospital doing this. Will he care that I'm here? Will he hate me? Will he be embarrassed? What should I say to him? What will he say to me? 

After the surgery, during my recovery, he came visiting all the time. He helped me walk again, supported me through it all, when no one else could (or would) come to be with me. Even when my family abandoned me, he was there. Despite his brusque nature, his denying any relationship beyond the professional one between us, he really did care when it all came down to it. 

Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend  
When people can be so cold  
They'll hurt you and desert you  
They'll take your soul if you let them  
Oh, but don't you let them 

I think that's him coming. Man, even jogging he's uptight. I thought it was just an act at the hospital. Does he ever let loose? Why am I doing this? He won't appreciate it. Just like always, he'll make me feel stupid for doing this. I'm so scared now to even feel the cold. 

When Abby caught me with the drugs and I thought everything was going to end, he forced me to go to rehab, and even accompanied me all the way there. Everyone else was against me, I thought he was too. Then, when I walked out, he came after me. He forced me to do what was right, what I knew deep down had to be done but I couldn't face. How did he know all these things about me? We were such different people. He never showed that he recognized me as a person instead of an underling. 

You just call out my name  
And you know wherever I am  
I'll come running to see you again  
Winter, spring, summer or fall  
All you have to do is call  
And I'll be there yes I will  
You've got a friend 

I did it, I gave him the gift. And he took it. I'm so glad I got the chance to say thanks. I wonder if he understood what I meant? Will he ever know the impact he had on my life, on my career? 

And now he's gone. He didn't even say good-bye. I wonder what will happen now? 

back to home


End file.
